The 1st Month of Fatherhood
All kinds of dads. Fathers' Forum welcomes gay fathers, husbands parenting together, single dads, adoptive and foster dads, and every family where men are raising children. Bruce's original book often described heterosexual couples; these pages are updated for today's families — including how gender, masculinity, and parenting roles are changing. Swap in your own names and situation wherever the text mentions a partner's pregnancy or birth.
Welcome to your first month of fatherhood! You may have arrived home proud, excited, and perhaps exhausted — after birth, surrogacy, or adoption. What's next?
Most expectant fathers don't think much about what happens after their baby arrives. The experience creates intense emotions. You have a new sense of yourself — not just a man, but a father.
You will need the next few months, perhaps the whole year, to comprehend your new role. Today's dads are needed from day one — including gay fathers and husbands sharing care from the start.
The first month at home is amazing and overwhelming. First-time parents are on-the-job training. Give yourselves permission not to know everything.
We are raised to be in control and solve problems, but new fathers need permission not to know all the answers. Your baby is adjusting to the world; so are you.
If your partner gave birth, their body is adjusting hormonally — moodiness may not be personal. In two-dad families, exhaustion and role negotiation can hit just as hard. Supporting your partner supports your baby.
For your baby
- Learn how to comfortably hold your baby. To burp them, hold them securely against your shoulder and gently rub or pat their back.
- Hold your baby in your lap, look into their eyes, speak or sing softly.
For your partner
- Create a comfortable place for feeding — nursing, bottle, or however your family feeds.
- Tell your partner how proud you are of them as a parent.
- Talk together about how much company or visitors you want; you need privacy to become a family.
For yourself
- Help after feedings and hang out with your baby.
- Don't be embarrassed by what you don't know — interest and desire to learn are what matter.
From Becoming a Dad: How Fatherhood Changes Men by Bruce Linton, Ph.D., MFT — practical tips from dads in Fathers' Forum groups.