The 1st Trimester of Pregnancy for Dads
All kinds of dads. Fathers' Forum welcomes gay fathers, husbands parenting together, single dads, adoptive and foster dads, and every family where men are raising children. Bruce's original book often described heterosexual couples; these pages are updated for today's families — including how gender, masculinity, and parenting roles are changing. Swap in your own names and situation wherever the text mentions a partner's pregnancy or birth.
If your family is forming through adoption or you are already parenting, you may skip ahead to the first month of fatherhood — or read this for the emotional parallels many expectant dads feel.
Congratulations — your partner (and you) may now be pregnant, or you are on the path to welcoming a child through surrogacy or adoption. If a partner is pregnant, your baby is beginning life in the womb; all the care they need is happening in their body. The transition to parenthood and becoming a father is slowly taking hold. You're going to be a dad… Yikes! Wow! Incredible!
Most men have a positive reaction to finding out they will have a child, but they may also have doubts and confusion. For expectant fathers, this time often stirs both fear and hope. Understanding your feelings can help you see how your role — from man to dad — is developing.
Common anxieties in the first trimester include your partner's health, money, and what kind of father you will be.
In the first few months, a pregnant partner's body may adjust with morning sickness, sleeplessness, mood swings, fatigue, and changes in eating. Although normal, you may not be used to seeing your partner this uncomfortable. You may wonder what you can do to help.
Many expectant dads worry about finances — housing, a car, new expenses. Gay dads planning surrogacy or adoption face similar planning stress, often without the cultural scripts heterosexual couples are offered.
Many expectant fathers think about their own fathers: How prepared was your dad? What will you do differently? Today's fatherhood includes gay dads, co-parenting husbands, and families that don't fit old gender roles — you get to define what being a dad means for you.
Our society still doesn't make many accommodations for expectant dads. The sooner you can be involved — doctor visits, talking with other fathers, reading about parenting — the more included you will feel in your growing family.
For your partner
- Talk together about hopes, dreams, fears, and anxieties about having a child.
- Make time to regularly go on walks together.
- Talk about how your lives can slow down and how you can both do less in the coming months.
For yourself
- Choose the friends you want to share the news with.
- Look through books on parenting; choose one for yourself.
- Take time alone to reflect on your feelings about becoming a father.
From Becoming a Dad: How Fatherhood Changes Men by Bruce Linton, Ph.D., MFT — practical tips from dads in Fathers' Forum groups.